The views that we form on the opposite sex are mostly based on our own experiences of love, heartbreak, friendship, incidents that take place in our everyday lives, or what we see in the media… It is difficult to remain objective especially when these views stem from feminist (or patriarchal) ideologies that are somewhat forced upon us. Society has us thinking of the opposite sex as our competition – It becomes male vs female; female views vs male behaviour and vice versa… News of celebrity divorces spark off heated debates about what the opposite sex is doing wrong. The oversexualised representations of women (perpetrated by men) have caused a ongoing war between the two sexes… And there are many more examples to show that generally speaking, men and women don’t get on as well as they should.

But what if we just got it all wrong? It’s time to focus our energy on ways to fix the disaccords, but ways that involve a conscious effort from both sexes and not just one; ways that would encourage men and women to engage more positively and facilitate good rapport.

I was inspired to write this post by events that took place recently both in my personal life and in the media. Note that this post is not called “What all relationships need”. And so I have deliberately chosen not to list the usual ingredients needed for healthy relationships such as love, commitment, trust, etc. (although if you want to read about that, you can click here). This post more about overall communication and behavioural issues encountered between genders on a day to day basis, not just in relationships but in friendships too.

5 things that men and women owe to each other:

1. Clarity:

Life is confusing and difficult enough; love and friendship needn’t be. Women are complex characters, we use all sorts of verbal and physical codes and expect to be understood (a post on these ‘codes’ is coming soon!); while men tend to withdraw and hide their emotions (unless they ‘suffer’ from Drakesilitus). If women agreed to be clearer about what they want; and men agreed to learn to express their feelings in more concise ways, both sexes would be on the same wavelength. What’s more, our need for completeness is not just manifested in our desire for that “other half” or “better half”. It is also manifested in our desire for truth, knowledge, clarity. No one likes that feeling of ‘unfinished business’ or lack of closure. Maturity means opting for dialogue when conflict arises, and giving valid explanations/answers where needed, as opposed to having the evasive, cowardly approach some of us have when it comes to addressing issues with the opposite sex.

2. Sympathy/Appreciation

Sympathy and appreciation go hand in hand. In the light of the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant divorce and the outrage that resulted from the court order saga, the $70 million etc… The word “appreciation” gained a whole new meaning. But I will not go onto that. I guess true sympathy and true appreciation (for us non-wealthy folks) can be explained differently. As a woman I will never know what it’s like to be a man… And men, until you’ve walked in our heels, you will never know what we go through as females. But one thing we can do, is make the conscious decision to sympathise more with you, try to understand what you go through, your struggles, your challenges as men, etc. And ultimately… criticise you less and appreciate you more. The same way, men should recognise the efforts required to be strong, successful women in today’s society and 1. never take it for granted. 2. Never make that journey more difficult for us than it already is.

3. Mutual respect:

The notion of respect between men and women has become so clichéd that some of us have started to take it for granted. I recently tweeted about the way that men classify women (the hoe vs the wife etc.); rename women (bitch, chick etc.); rate women (“she’s a 4/10″) and overall the lack of respect when referring to or addressing women. The men on my timeline then pointed out that women have similar ways to degrade men, e.g. the term “wasteman”. My response was that we women don’t have half the derogatory terms that men have for us. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised it was still not right. If we are going to demand respect from others, we must learn to respect others first.

4. The right to privacy:

Incidentally this post comes the day after the whole Cheryl Cole and Harvey drama that took place on Twitter yesterday. Do read about it if you don’t know what happened. In a society where every raunchy story has the potential to make thousands of pounds and where people would rather indulge in juicy gossip than read about the plight of women in Eastern Congo, ‘privacy’ seems so 1950′s. One of Harvey’s friends told him not to bother sharing private information with the world. Some things just don’t need to be disclosed, not even to friends.

Modern society encourages shared experiences, and whilst I believe in the beauty of it, I also happen to believe in the need for secret gardens. In my opinion, women confide whilst men tell stories. One of my friends called me in tears late last year, to tell me that her ex-boyfriend had told his boys false stories about her. She was broken. He painted an image of her that was not only false, but totally repulsive. Men need to carefully think about the repercussions of telling their boys everything. Anything that is taken out of context can look and sound atrocious. Besides, a woman’s reputation is more fragile than a man’s and therefore more easily damaged. Not necessarily more precious, but definitely more fragile. This is one of the areas where, if both sexes made more of an effort to respect each other’s privacy, and ultimately protect each other’s reputation, there could be more harmony.

5. The right to move on

When things turn sour, we owe it to each other to provide the space and capacity to keep it moving. Women often try to hold on to things they know they don’t need, while men are better at letting go and moving on. This has got to change. Most men have a natural ability to foresee a lot of things and emotionally detach themselves from the moment they see it; whereas women get emotionally involved early on. But the process of moving on requires a conscious effort from both parties, and clarity too (see point one). Ladies, holding on to a man who is desperate to move on with his life only shows your level of desperation. And men, don’t entertain physical intimacy with a woman you don’t want to have an emotional relationship with.

Feel free to leave comments below, I would love to hear your thoughts on positive male/female interactions.

Last year, I was asked out on a few dates*. By women; some of whom were pretty much strangers. It was like going back to the times when I was single and mingling – the nerves, the anticipation, having to choose the appropriate outfit, having to think of a place to meet, how to talk, what to talk about, the awkward silences…

Some of these dates materialised, others didn’t, for various reasons. But looking back, I think I’ve learnt a few valuable lessons from the female dating scene, lessons which I’d like to share with my readers. It has made me think differently about the way friendships are formed. I wondered if  approaching female friendships like romantic relationships would help us make better choices when it comes to the people we choose to affiliate ourselves with. I also wondered if ‘best friends’ were just ‘soul mates’ in disguise. And finally, it made me think about the amount of time we women spend searching for love and romance compared to the amount of time we invest in finding true, long-lasting female friendships.

1. Dating women… to make new friends.

In the last two years, I’ve started to genuinely enjoy the company of fellow women, in fact much more than I used to, firstly because becoming a mother made me  yearn for friendships with women who didn’t have children, just for the sake of escaping the sometimes very exhausting demands of motherhood and everything that’s attached to it. Secondly because I always get excited about the possibility of new friendships, both with women and men (yes, men too); and while I don’t go out of my way to make new friends by any means necessary, I do embrace the odd introduction by a mutual friend.

One of the strangers who asked me out on a date told me she “felt like I could be the type of person she’d get along with, and would therefore like to go for coffee sometime.” It’s a scary thought. Someone you’ve never really met before, who only knows you within a social media context, or through someone else, or recognises you from church, asking if you could go for coffee… Those who really know me know how shy I get around people that I barely know. But my perception of ‘strangers’ has changed dramatically in the last few months. The truth is, those ‘strangers’ are just like me. And I am just like them. Intimidation is a major factor, but I always say that once you feel comfortable enough to start calling a person by their name and smile at them, they are no longer strangers. There is something quite exciting and intriguing about first dates, the thought of where it will all go, visions of your future – will this new person be a part of it? Or will they end up being the type of person you wish you had never met? Speaking of which, when it comes to dating women… what’s the worst that could happen? If you don’t hit it off or don’t have much in common – It doesn’t really matter after all, at least you gave it a try.

2. Dating women… for business.

Women make fantastic business partners (and fantastic CEOs too – don’t believe this Forbes article by Gene Marks). The problem is that in business, in the media and in the creative world in general, women don’t collaborate enough. From my [relatively vague] observations, men are much better at forming collectives and joining forces to create and innovate. Women often prefer working on their own or with women they already know and trust. Discussing business over coffee with a complete stranger, no matter how qualified, skilled or ambitious she is, sounds like a frightening idea. I remember the day I went to a networking event and a lady told me about a project she had been working on. She listed all the things she needed to do in order to bring it to fruition, and ended the conversation by saying she was (I quote) “determined to do it all by herself, or worse come to worst, with the help of a few guy friends she had in mind. Strictly no women.” This made me quite sad.

Is it the fear of the “fellow woman”? Do we fear that other women are out to steal our ideas and run away with them? Do we think women aren’t as focused and dedicated as men? In order to achieve Beyonce’s conveniently idealistic views on ‘who run the world’, which, by the way, to me, are more prophetic than representative of today’s society, we have to look past our own little hang-ups and join forces at a level we can control – women working with women, for women, then, with men, for the world. I have a lot of admiration for women who go out there and actively seek the input of other women in whatever project or business venture they embark on. Let’s work together, ladies!

3. Dating women… because dating men is overrated. Sometimes.

There are enough serious matters to deal with in life and for us women, society tells us that men and relationships represent over 70% of the ‘serious matters to deal with before I die’ category. Notice I used the word ‘society’ as opposed to ‘statistics’. The point is that we all need a break sometimes.

This is where dating our girlfriends becomes much more fun than dating potential male suiters. This is when focusing our attention on rekindling our female friendships becomes much more enjoyable than trying to find the perfect boyfriend/husband (delete as applicable). Sometimes, women just want to have fun, leave their relationships problems behind and enjoy girly dates, spa treatments, facials, pyjama parties with women, and women only. Because ‘pyjama’ parties with the opposite sex would defeat the entire purpose of this post.

4. Dating women… To prove to men that it can be done.

Realising that women can live harmoniously is not only important for us as females, but for men too, who, let’s face it, look like they take pleasure in pointing out the ways in which women constantly bring each other down. With all the criticism that women have received in the last decades when it comes to the dynamics of female interaction and friendships, perhaps it is time to start celebrating and parading the things that unite us as women. Let’s not kid ourselves, the criticism is true: We all know our failures as women – the jealousies, the envy, the competition, the negative attitudes, the disloyalty… But the good thing about going on dates with a friend you once felt jealous of is that the moment you listen to her story, her struggles, the things she dealt with while trying to ‘make it’… you realise how unnecessary it was for you to have these feelings of envy towards her. Spend time with the women in your life you thought you were competing with, take the time to listen to their journey, as very often, you will find similarities and areas where you can relate and help each other with. As young women, it is vital that we eradicate this imaginary “competition” we have created in our minds. Life is a race but not a competition. It is a race that each individual is free to run at their own pace. We all get to the finish line at different times, whatever the ‘finish line’ may represent for you – a career, marriage, a child, learning to cook or even hair growth… (believe me, these are the kinds of things that the imaginary competitions in our minds consist of…)

Interested, not desperate…

Having said all this, most times, I really cannot be bothered with the female dating scene. Yes, I do get excited about new friendship prospects but the main reason why a lot of my 2011 dates never actually took place was because it really wasn’t a necessity for me to get close to that many more people. Right now I feel my close circle of friends is complete, although I never close the door to developing new relationships with people who may not necessarily fit my criteria for close, intimate friendships – and that’s okay too. I guess what we have to remember is that friends can always disappoint and you will only be hurt by the people who have a place in your heart. In other words, guard your heart and choose your friends wisely.

*For the purpose of this post, the terms “date”,”dating” refer to girly dates, friendship dates, women spending one on one time together, going out to dinner, cinema, etc. Basically as a way to approach female friendships like real dates.

Dreaming of the things you know you will never obtain, and receiving the things you never dreamt of, only to realise that these were the things your dreams should have been made of.

Realising that there are no mistakes, only lessons; there are no regrets, only memories. The bad is there to make the good what it is.

Understanding that you can’t choose the way others feel about you, you can’t read minds, you can’t change hearts, but you can love them in spite of them.

Living life among your best enemies and your worst friends, sometimes without being able to tell them apart, but loving yourself enough to know that it doesn’t really matter.

Living each day as if it were the last one, not because you only live once, but because tonight is not promised, let alone tomorrow.

Trying to stop your mouth from whispering the things that your heart is not screaming. And to stop your mind from thinking the things that your spirit does not believe.

Realising that the best life is not the life you wish you had but the life that God has already planned for you.

Remembering that choosing is also renouncing. Saying yes to one will mean saying no to two; saying hello to tomorrow will mean saying goodbye to yesterday.

Embracing life as a whirlwind of emotions and an avalanche of experiences, whether good or bad, because they are the story, they are your story.

This is evolving. This is moving forward. This is living.

Today is World AIDS Day. I have blogged about HIV before and my Activism page is partly dedicated to issues that relate to HIV and AIDS but I feel compelled to write about the importance that we give to HIV and AIDS as a society, more particularly as young adults. Two days ago I attended a lecture about the progress in HIV and AIDS treatment at the Royal Society, with two friends who are just as passionate about HIV and AIDS as I am. It was an informative and inspiring event during which we learnt about the positive impact that ARV (Antiretroviral drugs) have had all over the world.

Just to summarise some of the things we learnt at the lecture: Today, it is proven that Antiretrovirals reduce the risk of transmission by 96% in adults and 30%-54% in unborn babies. But scientific research has to continue as 30 years after the discovery of AIDS, we still have no vaccine and no cure. This is due to a limitation in animal models that can be used for research, the genetic variability of the HIV and many other factors. There is a vaccine that boosts protection levels by 30% (the Thai-RV144) and few people have natural protection but in terms of “curing” AIDS, the ultimate goal still hasn’t been achieved. ARV is a lifelong treatment and does not completely reconstruct the immune system and although it does improve the quality of life of AIDS victims, it is no genuine substitute for an effective, ultimate cure.

During the lecture, the current model to tackle HIV and AIDS was presented to us as follows:

Scientific evidence and data from individual countries > Activism (including creating awareness) > Political leaders and health authorities > Work with communities > Training > intervention  from organisations > Access to Care and Treatment.

Where do you see yourself in the above process?

There is an urgent need for new funding to implement the strategies and mechanisms currently put in place to combat AIDS. Without funding, the pandemic will not only continue but it will increase too. And the current economical crisis does not help.

But as we walked back to the train station after the lecture, the conversation went from the advance in medicine and impact of ARV to the attitudes of young adults towards HIV. As inspiring as it is to hear about the progress in medicine and the many lives that it has helped improve, we still need to make more effort to create awareness and help change attitudes towards the disease. There seems to have been a hiatus in the process of destigmatization. My belief is that before we can combat the disease itself, we need to combat the negative attitudes and the stigma that surround HIV. People who suffer from HIV don’t just suffer from HIV itself but they suffer from all the other diseases  that are attached to it: the discrimination, the lack of understanding, the lack of compassion, the stigma, the shame…

Do these issues ever cross your mind?

When it comes to the risks of infection, the level of misinformation and ignorance among young adults is still quite staggering. When tackling the issue of sexually transmitted diseases, we often stop at the common ones such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea. HIV is rarely in the spotlight. Yet technically, a person who puts themselves at risk of catching Chlamydia also puts themselves at risk of contracting HIV. Young people get sent free chlamydia testing kits by post; in fact I have lost count of how many I have received in the last few years, even though I had never asked for one. But how many times a year do we get invitations from our local clinics to get tested for HIV? Of course health professionals could say that we are currently dealing with much more cases of chlamydia, warts and gonorrhoea than cases of HIV, but ignoring and undermining the risks is the first cause of transmission and growth of the pandemic. I was once told “You have to approach every potential sexual partner as if they were HIV positive, then, and only then, will you realise the importance of protection.”

How much thought do you give HIV?

Changing mentality…

Combating HIV requires a major change in mentality. The promiscuous tendencies of our generation mean that over time, what the world has seen was not just a lack of knowledge (which then leads to an increase in transmission risks) but also a total disregard for other people’s health.

“I can mend from a broken heart, but don’t mess with my health” – Rukayah Sarumi.

Should we start teaching values such as trust, fidelity and faithfulness alongside sexual health? Are these values that our society has lost over the years, when sexual emancipation was at its peak? Are we forgetting some fundamental principles here? Changing mentalities should be at the heart of the fight against HIV. Sexual emancipation should not come with risks, considering the progress in prevention techniques, condoms being the main and most effective one. Men in particular need to implement these values and start thinking of the risks they pose for their partners.

There is a lot that can be done at individual level, from individual responsibility to raising awareness. We can all play our part because HIV concerns us all. But do we think about HIV enough?

Chimamanda Adichie’s TED talk “The danger of a single story” is exactly how I felt about Ethiopia before I was given the chance to travel to this beautiful country. Everything I had heard about Ethiopia so far involved tragic stories of famine and poverty and the only images that came to mind whenever I thought about it were of starving, dying children. Although I knew that just like any other African country, there was more about Ethiopia than what was being said on TV, I had never taken the time to research and inform myself about the positive realities of life in this country. I had never tried to find out more about Ethiopian lifestyle, the tourist attractions and all the other good things that make Ethiopia what it is today, a country rich in culture, history and heritage. Instead, I believed in the media’s very negative portrayal of it.

When I took part in the “Blog 4 Girls” competition organised by Plan UK and The Guardian, I did not think for a second that I would be shortlisted as a finalist, let alone that I would win it. If I’m completely honest, the 6-day trip to Ethiopia did not even appeal to me that much, but I still entered the competition out of curiosity, to see how far I could actually go and also as a way to surpass myself.

“But I’m not sure I want to go to Ethiopia…”

… Those were the first words that came out of my mouth just moments after I was told that I had won the competition. My voice shook as I announced the news to my husband. He, on the other hand, was very proud and excited for me, but, understandably, wanted to make sure I would be in safe hands throughout the trip.

It took a while to finalise all the details of the trip, but towards the end of October, the flights and hotel rooms were booked and everything finally sunk in.

First moments…

Addis Ababa Airport, taken from the car as we drove to the hotel.

It’s about 12 noon on Monday 14th, we have just landed at Addis Ababa Airport. I am exhausted, but excited about the next 6 days. First impressions: It’s not as hot as I thought it would be; the airport is rather quiet; a few photographers travelled on the same flight as us, as well as people who appeared to be foreign journalists or diplomats. Ethiopia clearly seems to attract a lot of international interest. After queuing at the immigration section for no more than 15 minutes, the officer asks for my phone number and tries to invite me to dinner. What an interesting start to the trip! We change our American dollars and British pounds into Ethiopian Birrs at the bureau de Change and head outside, where a driver is waiting for us.

Streets of Addis Ababa

We’re driving through the busy streets of Addis Ababa and I notice a few distinct things about the town. First of all, it is absolutely gorgeous and vibrant. A lot of beautiful buildings, great architecture and we notice there is a lot of construction work taking place around town. Commerce is everywhere. There are shops, beauty salons, markets, billboards and posters at every corner of the street, a bit like in London. But there are also quite a few beggars and street kids going from car to car, asking people to spare a few Birrs. Addis is not conservative at all. The women are particularly beautiful and trendy and I notice that skinny jeans are the current wave! Every young girl we see is wearing a pair of skinny jeans, showing off those perfect hourglass figures Ethiopian women are known to have. There are a lot of churches on the streets of Addis, with large, bold signs that read “Jesus is the way” or “I belong to Jesus”. We also notice a strong International presence, especially Chinese people. We are told that the Chinese are here to do business, and here to stay!

Busy streets of Addis Ababa

When we arrive  at the hotel, we are welcomed warmly and taken to our room. The staff are very keen to help and make us feel at home. Hotel Siyonat is quite a prestigious establishment and our room is immaculate. Not that we were expecting anything different, but we are pleasantly surprised.

The lobby at Siyonat Hotel

We take the time to get used to our new surroundings and make ourselves comfortable, although we’re only here for a night: tomorrow morning we’re heading to Hawassa, southern Ethiopia, where the real work will begin.

Me outside Plan Ethiopia offices in Addis.

Our itinerary was neatly put in place by the Plan Ethiopia team. We have a series of interviews of local women lined up in different communities near Hawassa, as well as visits to schools, youth centres and clinics all built by Plan. I cannot wait to get there and explore rural Ethiopia.

On the way to Hawassa. Great views and landscapes.

The next morning at 9:30, we meet our driver Tezazu and Elias, our photographer, a young Ethiopia man who works as a journalist and photojournalist. We begin the 5-hour journey to Hawassa; I cannot stop looking around me and taking pictures. The views are breathtaking…

Huts on the way to Hawassa.

It’s such a unique experience being able to see local people go about their daily business as their daily activities are quite different to what we’re used to seeing here in London, things like selling merchandise off the back of a donkey, for example! There are animals on the roads and on the pavement, cows, sheep, goats… some used as means of transport, others wandering and crossing the road aimlessly. Our driver Tezazu beeps his horn about one hundred times in the space of an hour!

The animals are very much part of the population!

Little girls going to fetch water.

In the car, Elias our photographer takes plenty of pictures. Despite living here, it is clear that as a photographer, he still can’t get enough of the beautiful scenery, the local children and the landscapes. He captures anything from little girls walking to school to men pulling their donkeys out of the road. Elias also takes the time to tell me about the area where he lives, in Addis Ababa. He tells me that in that he lives near the red light district and that there are quite a few teenage prostitutes. He also explains that life in Ethiopia has become more and more expensive in the last few years and that people aren’t managing as well as they used to.

We drive past the biggest chinese industrial park in Ethiopia. It is a huge complex with warehouses and factories. Tezazu tells us that the Chinese manufacture and process anything, from clothing to food. He also jokes that in a few years time, most Ethiopians will have “Chinese eyes”!

We stop off at a traditional Ethiopian restaurant for lunch and order a huge plate of Injera, which is Ethiopia’s national dish. It is a large pancake made of teff flour and accompanied with meat, fish or vegetables. Ethiopians share a plate and eat with their fingers, which was a very unique thing to experience for us.

We then make our way to Hotel Pinna II to leave our luggage, then go and visit Plan Ethiopia offices in Hawassa to meet the team that will be supervising us during our stay. After meeting each member of the team, we go back to the town centre and spend a relaxing evening with Elias, having drinks at Lake Hawassa.

Lake Hawassa.

Chilling at Lake Hawassa

Let the fieldwork begin…

Travelling to Ethiopia with Plan opened my eyes on the issues faced by Ethiopian girls and women as well as the impact Plan has had in some of local communities. We witnessed the way that the drought affects the lives of the local people, especially the children. We headed south and visited to the Hobolso community, still near Hawassa, to meet 9-year-old Masantu who dropped out of school because her parents could no longer afford to pay the school fees after their banana and coffee farms stopped producing fruit.

In the Hobolso community with some of the local children.

Masantu tells us that her days are now completely different to when she used to go to school. “I loved school and wanted to be a teacher. But today I have to clean the house, fetch water and care for my brothers and sisters”, she tells us.

Masantu showing me the false banana crops.

This has been the case for a lot of the children in these remote communities since the beginning of the drought. On our way there we noticed a large number of children working, herding cows, fetching water and selling goods, which was a contrast to the children we saw at some of the local schools built by Plan – children who looked fulfilled and happy to have been given a chance at education.

Happy school children.

The drought was not the only thing that stopped girls from going to school. Early and forced marriage is not uncommon in Ethiopia and as legislation has not been enforced, families are not always aware that they are breaking the law by marrying their daughters. In fact girls themselves may not know their rights, which makes it harder for them to oppose the decisions made on their behalf by their families. When we arrived at the Dobetoga Community, we met 14-year-old Tigist, a wife and mother of a 1-year-old boy. “I was ready to continue my education, but my sister wanted me to get married. I did not know my husband before I married him, my sister introduced me to him.” Tigist tells us.

14 year old Tigist, a young wife and mother.

Although she was hoping to become a doctor before she got married, today she fears she will never be able to go back to school as her responsibilities within the household keep increasing. “My husband told me I would have the opportunity to go back to school later. But things didn’t go according to plan and I became pregnant.” Tigist also tells us that Plan gave her training and raised awareness about birth complications and female circumcision. According to her, the fact that she was not circumcised reduced the pain she experienced during labour.

But in cases where the girls receive inadequate pre-natal and post-natal care, different problems can occur, from premature birth and infant death to severe fistula. In the Gobo Hebesha community, we met 20-year-old Gena who got married at the age of 16 through abduction. She did not go to school because her parents did not understand the importance of female education. After she was abducted and married off, Gena gave birth to two children with the help of a traditional birth attendant. She suffered a severe case of fistula after giving birth to her second child. While we interviewed Gena, we could all sense her discomfort. She could barely sit properly on the wooden bench and found it hard to make eye contact with us. “I was referred for some treatment at the hospital but I could not afford to pay for transport to get to the hospital”, Gena tells us. As a result, the fistula was never treated and engendered even more complications. We were told that healthcare costs are taken in charge by the government but patients still have to raise the money to get to the hospital. She continues, “I have constant abdominal pain, discomfort and incontinence. I tried to take some traditional medicines but nothing helped. Today I can’t work or support my family because I’m in so much pain.” While speaking to Dela, another woman suffering from fistula, we are told that fistula can cause social alienation, as the symptoms are not easy to manage in public, from discomfort while sitting down to bad odour.

Interviewing Dela, a 50 year old woman who suffers from fistula.

It was inspiring to see the way in which the people in these communities always find a way to generate income, be it through their coffee or banana farming or the local juices that some of them sell to other villagers. However these are not sustainable ways to make money as the drought always hinder the harvests of coffee, fruits and vegetables. Besides, we don’t want these women to just survive, we want them to thrive and have enough money to do whatever they need to do for their families. With poverty still an ongoing reality in these regions, Plan has helped some of these families buy providing them with cows, sheep and building water points that are closer to their homes. And of course, promoting child sponsorship on a global scale.

Me, Lemlem and Kassech, two Plan Ethiopia employees.

Overall, everywhere we went, we noticed Plan had quite a strong presence in these communities, from health centres to schools and youth projects, all built by plan and most handed over to the community. Although it was clear that the people in these communities still needed more help and support, it was very inspiring to see the difference that Plan is making in their lives. We met many more people, heard many more inspiring stories and our field work ended on Friday 18th November. I left Hawassa with my head full of ideas on what to do next to create more awareness about some of the issues we heard of, what to blog about, what to tell everyone in the UK. I am hoping that you will be touched by some of the things you have read in this post, and will visit the Plan website to find out more about how you can help these communities.

Me and some of the local people.

Seeing a different side of Ethiopia…

It was hard to describe this trip. At the airport, we ticked “business” on the immigration forms. But to me this trip was for business, humanitarian/charity purposes and for leisure too, since we got to relax and enjoy Ethiopia’s social scene. When people ask me what I thought of Ethiopia as a country, I tell them that firstly, it is an amazing place, and secondly, I am glad I got to experience both sides of the country, not just the poverty but the luxury too. We travelled back to Addis and Elias took us on a night out to discover Addis’ nightlife. We had a great time. Ethiopians know how to party! To be perfectly honest, at first it was quite difficult to enjoy the nightlife to the fullest and the posh restaurants, because when you’ve spent 3 days in a row in some of the poorest Ethiopian villages, it is difficult to go back to your  luxurious hotel room without feeling a little bit guilty and uncomfortable. However, Ethiopians don’t want you to feel that way. They don’t want you to pity them. They want you to experience everything that their beautiful country has to offer, the hospitality, the kindness of the people, etc.  Ethiopia has some beautiful places to visit, great resorts and hotels, great buildings to see, great restaurants to dine in, great people to meet… It would be a shame not to acknowledge this.

Enjoying an evening at Bole Rock, a jazz bar and restaurant in Addis Ababa.

That said, it is clear what this country needs more than anything is the means to help its people thrive, not just survive. And the only way to do this is to bring to light some of the issues that are currently being brushed under the carpet, both social and economical. I am grateful I got to experience Ethiopia for 6 days and I am certain I will go back in the next few years.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Feel free to leave comments and ask questions.

We, women, promise to be everything you dream of.

Terms and conditions apply. Please read carefully.

EARLY STAGES:

• We women reserve the right to reject and, if needed, physically rebuke any male subject that does not fit at least 80% of our criteria when it comes to finding love.
• Any use of the words “I love you” by the male subject within the first few days of the “casual dating” period will result in immediate termination of the relationship, with or without notice.
• In the context of these terms and conditions, the term “casual dating” means the period where the subjects are more than “just friends” but not yet in a serious, committed relationship; and getting to know each other.
• And in the context of these terms and conditions, the term “casual dating” or the phrase “getting to know each other” do NOT refer to the practice of casual sex or friends with benefits. Should the male subject have a problem with this part of the agreement, special measures will be taken in order to facilitate the eviction process that may follow as a result, such as polite rejection or gentle dismissal.
• We women reserve the right to enquire about personal circumstances, career aspirations, finances, short and long term goals, during the first few dates. In the event of unsatisfactory answers, an extra time allowance may be given to the male subject, to allow him to grow, mature and learn if need be.
• This does not exclude the possibility of total retraction and abandonment of the relationship, with or without notice.
• To opt out of the relationship, the male subject is required to arrange a meeting beforehand, where matters will be discussed further. Termination of the relationship over the phone or via text message will result in consequential damage.
• In the event of a disastrous first date, we women reserve the right to bring all contact with the subject to an end.
• We also reserve the right to warn other potential female suiters about the possibilities and probabilities of a disaster happening should they consider giving the male subject a chance.
• In the event of non-reciprocal love (in which the male is the “unloved” subject), we women reserve the right to excuse ourselves and arrange an imminent departure.

RELATIONSHIP:

• Extra charges apply for the purchase and delivery of clothes, handbags and shoes, usually at the beginning of every season. Please note that during the winter, this charge may double.
• We women reserve the right to exercise occasional irrationality or CBW behaviour. Should the male subject feel uncomfortable with such behaviour, a cooling off period of 24 hours will be given, to allow him to escape.
• For the purpose of these terms and conditions, the term “to escape” means “to retire to a place that is within a circumsphere of no more than 20 miles, AND return promptly to the female subject in order to sort out the issues  raised”.
• Should the male subject consider an “escape” abroad, termination of the relationship will be immediate.
• In the event of an argument, the last say should always be attributed to the female subject.
• Any use of abusive language or behaviour will result in serious actions being taken against the subject, from the cremation of valued pieces of technology (Blackberries, iPads, iMacs, FIFA/Pro Evolution games etc.) to a sudden termination of the relationship.
• The male subject is required to seriously consider marriage matters at least two years after making the relationship “official”. Failure to commit will result in premature termination of the relationship.
• In the event of shady behaviour from the male subject, we women reserve the right to inflict appropriate sanctions, if the subject cannot prove his innocence. From the confiscation and thorough analysis of mobile phone devices, including BBM and iMessage history, to the immediate termination of the relationship.
• The subject is required to learn to speak and understand the appropriate female linguo. e.g. “I’m okay” may occasionally mean “No, I’m not okay and I feel like punching you hard.” Failure to do so will result in serious miscommunication and cause unnecessary damage to both subjects.
• By accepting the terms and conditions of this relationship, the male subject automatically accepts that women are always right.
• The male subject is required to make use of the following at all times (in no particular order): Romance, toothpaste, good communication, understanding, love, support, humour and unselfish sex (in the event of marriage).
• We women reserve the right to notify the male subject about any signs of negligence observed in terms of appearance, grooming and hygiene. The male subject is required to take note, and failure to act accordingly will result in the immediate termination of the relationship.

ENDING YOUR AGREEMENT:

• If the male subject no longer wishes to be a part of the relationship, he is required to give at least two weeks notice and provide valid reasons, face to face. Phone calls, texts and emails will not be considered. Not even hand written letters. Or flowers.
• We women reserve the right to end all post-break-up communication with the male subject.
• We also reserve the right to Facebook stalk the male subject and his new person of interest, whether male or female, for an indefinite period of time.
• Any important changes to the initial agreement between the subjects should be discussed thoroughly. Failure to do so will result in consequential damage.

The ‘Because I am Girl: The State of the World’s Girls 2011’ report is a global report on girls’ rights, created by Plan International and launched on Wednesday 12^th October at Somerset House, London. I had the privilege to attend the event and meet some of the people involved in the making of this report. This is the fifth in a series of nine annual reports that highlight the experiences of girls growing up in the world’s poorest communities, providing facts, case studies and contributions from key people and organisations. The theme for this year is “So, what about the boys?” and it explores the ways in which boys and men can play an active role in the fight for gender equality.

The aim of this year’s report is to demonstrate that one of the ways to involve men and boys in the fight against inequality is to work directly with them, so that the change can be passed on from father to son in generations to come. Girls and women’s rights are human rights too, and if boys and men believe in human rights, they too can help ensure that girls get an education, fulfil their potential and even become leaders. Two thirds of the world’s illiterate are women, which shows there is an urgent need for girls to get access to education from a young age. Boys and men should endorse gender equality because investing in girls has an impact on economies, which, in the long scheme of things, will benefit everyone.

At the launch, we heard from The Rt Hon Spephen O’Brien MP, the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for International Development, who talked about defending the financial decisions made by the State when it comes to investing in developing countries. O’Brien also talked about the importance of working with village chiefs and decision makers in these countries to make sure there is a shift in thinking. In many societies around the world, as well as in the family and the workplace, men still have the upper hand in terms of power and control. Without support from those in power, equality will not be achieved.

We often think of gender equality as a girls’ issue, but it is something that concerns boys too. Men too are the victims of violence, homophobia, bullying and gender stereotyping. In fact, due to today’s definition of “masculinity”, there is increasing pressure on boys and men to prove their manhood: They are expected to be tough, hard, fighters and risk-takers, which can sometimes lead to fatalities. Men are also encouraged to conceal their emotions, which not only has consequences on their mental health but on their relationships with others too. A Plan UK survey, which can be found in the report, highlights the struggle faced by teenage boys when it comes to expressing their feelings, revealing staggering figures: “54% of boys talked to their friends about their feelings more than once a month, compared to 77% of girls.” This lack of emotional involvement can also cause boys to lack empathy towards other issues, including issues affecting girls. A lot of the work that is required to decrease the gap between men and women involves changing human behaviour and encouraging men to see the opposite sex as an ally, a partner and a friend, as opposed to an adversary. The report highlights the importance of maturity, talk and support when it comes to helping young men not to use violence against women.

On a personal level, I found the event very inspiring, and the report itself extremely interesting, informative and well written. Hearing the different speakers talk about the amount of work involved in the report, particularly Marie Staunton, CEO of Plan UK, also made me realise how important it is for activists to be proactive and not just vocal about these issues. I will always praise the work that Plan UK are doing to change lives around the world, not just by bringing these sensitive issues to light, but by going out there, working in the countries affected and speaking directly with the men themselves, the decision makers and the people in power. It is truly inspiring.

As a society we often forget that in the midst of these tragedies, news stories, or joyful announcements, once we remove all the superficial, media frenzy, voyeuristic aspects, there are human beings like you and I right at the centre. Human beings with real lives, no matter how ordinary or how extraordinary, real hearts, feelings and emotions. And considering the fact that these people have families, who have access to the media and the Internet, including social networks, the whole thing is actually quite distasteful – a bit as if we had abused our freedom of expression and transformed it into a tool to not only cause offence but also patronise and police people online. If we are the Christians we say we are, are we still shining the light of Christ while (supposedly) trying to enlighten the online community about what we believe should and should not be celebrated or mourned?

Typical examples of these comparisons include:

The death of Amy Whinehouse, which happened around the same time as the Norway massacre where 93 people were killed. People compared  the amount of media coverage and social media response that Amy Whinehouse’s death engendered, with that of the massacre. They then concluded, from what they had seen within their own little circles (as opposed to genuine statistics, which probably don’t exist anyway), that the world had gone mad, making the death of (I quote) ‘a crackhead’ seem more important than the death of 93 innocent people.

Beyonce’s pregnancy announcement, which triggered the rage of quite a few people, because “her being pregnant is nothing out of the ordinary and therefore is not more important than the average person” or “it’s not like any of you know her personally, why would you care so much? Why would you be so happy for her?” or even (as seen on a Facebook status) “Beyonce is pregnant? who cares? it’s not like we’ve found the cure to AIDS”. My reaction to Beyonce’s pregnancy announcement was joy, for her, for her husband. Nothing more, nothing less. As the Bible says As Christians we are even called to “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” (Romans 12:15). I didn’t mind the indifference of people. What I did mind was the amount of hate speech I read about Beyonce’s unborn baby  - from people calling her child the antichrist to people posting atrocious Photoshopped pictures of what the baby could look like. Some things are just unnecessary.

The royal wedding of Prince William and Duchess Kate was an interesting one. It not only brought out feelings of anger because of the amount of money spent on police and security or other reasons of the sort; but also pure hatred towards the Royal Family, stemming from slavery and colonisation days. Surprised? You should have seen my Twitter timeline on that day. Again, I didn’t mind the indifference of royal wedding cynics, but the level of hate speech aimed at what was supposed to be a beautiful, inspiring, joyful event made me feel quite sorry for humanity (I am aware that this statement makes me sound quite cynical too).

The religious observations: I will always remember a Facebook status I saw when Michael Jackson died, it said something along the lines of “Michael Jackson dies for an extra dose of drugs and your heart is broken. But Jesus dies for your sins and you don’t open up your heart to Him?” My initial thought was “If this is how you’ve chosen to preach the gospel, I’m actually more worried about your own Christian walk than the unbeliever reading this status.”

Natural disasters, wars, conflict or mass murder always creates a hostile atmosphere on social networks and forums, with people comparing death tolls and arguing about their degree of importance/significance, while others complain about the lack of media coverage or humanitarian response received for one natural disaster, in comparison to another, e.g. hurricane Katrina, Haiti Earthquake etc. However I have noticed that these opinions only surface when the events happen, or at anniversaries. If people feel so strongly about the lack of media coverage or immediate response received for a particular event, they ought to ask themselves what they have been doing all year to tackle this lack and bring awareness to the cause. What part did they play in making sure it wouldn’t happen again?

In no way am I trying to dismiss the basic facts, or ignore the importance of these events. If you read my blog regularly you will know about the type of things I am passionate about, and they include the issues stated in my last bullet point. What I am denouncing here is the way in which people compare different events, and dictate to others how they should be comparing them too, how they should be thinking and try to make others feel guilty for thinking otherwise. I’m a believer in the idea that there is no hierarchy of death, tragedy or joy.

We’re all part of this brigade…

I guess what annoys me more than the actual tweets, statuses or comments themselves is the fact that, admittedly, I have been part of this ‘brigade’, and chances are, you, who are reading this post, have been an active member of it too. As hard as it is to admit it, we’ve all made those types of self-righteous comments, thinking they would enlighten the crowds, in a world where everything comes under scrutiny anyway, be it via the media or people who feel the need to add their two pence to absolutely everything. But in reality, what it does is it exposes this belief that we have the right to decide which tragedy or event should get centre stage, according to our own perceptions of what we feel is important and what we feel is not; our own emotions; our own set of values and beliefs; our own ideals and visions of the world, etc. But none of these are accurate measuring tools. In fact there are no measuring tools. It’s about giving people the freedom to express whatever they are feeling, even if we disagree. This does not stop us from having our own opinions, but it certainly give us the right to tell others how to (and how not to) react to certain things.

As this is a bit of a mea culpa-type post, I guess this is the part where I reveal how my eyes were opened too. And it all happened during the London riots. I have to say I received quite a rude awakening. When these riots first started, I became bitter and angry at the British youth. As I watched London being destroyed before my eyes, I deliberately ignored all the social issues that have, apparently, been crippling the British way of life for the last few decades, and my immediate response was that “these children don’t know anything about real poverty” and that “perhaps they should go to Congo, experience life begging on the streets and see if they still have the energy to complain about not having the latest Nike trainers”… But as the events continued to unfold, and as more was being revealed about the possible explanations for the riots, I began to see the social implications and although I still do not condone these acts today, I have personally made the choice to stop comparing one person’s suffering with another. As a radical person (when it comes to socio-political problems), it was a hard thing for me to do, but it was a necessary step.

To each their own suffering…?

“You’ve lost your job? So? There are children dying in Africa…”

“There are children dying in Africa” seems to have become an expression that we as a Western society use so casually when we try to diminish the importance of a particular event. This expression is actually quite patronising, hypocritical and absurd. Very often, the person saying these words does not even think twice about the statement they are making.  Besides, it’s not like their next action would be to grab their credit cards and donate to these children in Africa. It’s just an expression, to describe the fact that there are more important things in the world than whatever this person is going through, and it has become part of our vocabulary for all the wrong reasons.

Are there more important things in the world than whatever we’re going through in life? Certainly. But I guess this is where we need to start thinking as humans, rather than analysts… Everyone has their own woes to deal with, their own issues, and if we’re genuinely trying to help people overcome some of these issues, finding practical solutions as well as comforting words would be a good place to start. This does not mean ignoring the more serious, important things in life – one of the things that keeps me going in life is the realisation that there are always people who are worse off than me. This alone gives me strength and reassurance. But if my problems afflict me in one way or another, I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to dismiss them as mere caprices.

I will conclude by saying that even if in theory or in history books, one death seems more important than another, in real life, for those affected (the families, friends…), or even just the public, it may not be the case. Even if in the media, one celebrity’s big news attracts more attention than yours or that of the average person, a hate campaign probably isn’t the right way to express your disappointment So, breaking the “comparing culture” in online communities is not something that can be achieved overnight. But I do hope each individual can accept the fact that in life, there is no measuring tool for the way people should feel.

*Disclaimer: These are not my personal revelations…

• What was I thinking… going into this marriage with a single woman mentality?
• What was I thinking… trying to change this Wasteman into Superman?
• What was I thinking… exposing my relationship problems on Facebook and Twitter?
• What was I thinking… wearing these granny pants on Valentine’s day?
• What was I thinking… getting into a serious relationship with a broke man?
• What was I thinking… getting into a serious relationship as a broke woman?
• What was I thinking… playing hard to get?
• What was I thinking… keeping this weave for more than 6 months?
• What was I thinking… ruling out the Internet as a place to find love?
• What was I thinking… rejecting this decent man?
• What was I thinking… ignoring the first signs of domestic violence?
• What was I thinking… trying to be just like his mother?
• What was I thinking… trying to be best friends with his ex?
• What was I thinking… comparing him to other men?
• What was I thinking… having children to fix my marriage?
• What was I thinking… flirting with his friends?
• What was I thinking… giving this cheater another chance before he had the chance to work on himself?
• What was I thinking… giving up on love because of the Jada and Will Smith divorce rumours?
• What was I thinking… telling every single one of my friends about my relationship problems?
• What was I thinking… basing my expectations of intimacy on porn/erotic films?
• What was I thinking… seeking the help of my pastor more than the help of God?
• What was I thinking… treating his family like my enemies?
• What was I thinking… suffocating him?
• What was I thinking… relying on statistics to predict how long my relationship would last?

Choose them wisely, or lose them stupidly…

Being a trusting person by nature, I admit I gave my heart away too easily in my most vulnerable moments, without really taking the time to observe the people I was choosing to confide in. As beautiful as it is to let friendships happen naturally and effortlessly, I feel there is an element of ‘choice’ that should never be taken lightly. Just like in romantic relationships, it is vital that you take the time to observe, analyse and dissect every facet of that person before you commit. It all sounds very technical and exaggerated, but believe me, if you don’t like what you see before you commit, chances are you won’t like what you get after you commit. In your quest for friendship, ask yourself what it is you’re looking for, and why. Is it a need to be accepted? Loneliness and lack of self-confidence can lead you to open up your heart to just about everyone. Treat your heart like an exclusive nightclub: VIP’s only. These are truths that I wish someone had revealed to me a long time ago.

The changes in friendships…

“It is always sad when a friendship goes from warm and personal, to cold and professional over something minor. Pride is dangerous…”

~ Christiana Mbakwe

I think friendships can progress and evolve, just as much as they can regress and dissolve. I can relate to the above quote because it is something I have experienced in my personal life, although in my case, my circumstances (marriage, becoming a mother etc.) is what changed the dynamics of the friendships. And yes, ultimately, things became cold, emotionless and a little bit fake.

As fulfilling, rewarding and amazing as it is, the mother/housewife lifestyle can be a very lonely one, if we take into account the following three things: Firstly, the fact that children, a husband and a home require enormous amounts of attention. Secondly, childcare is expensive and hard to find. And thirdly, being the only mother in your circle of close friends means that you may not always want to impose your mummy-ness on others, not just for their sanity but for your own too – sometimes it’s nice to have something else to talk about than nappies and bottle feeding. It’s also refreshing to meet up with non-mummy friends every once in a while, go out, have a drink or two, just to feel yourself again, and not necessarily the ladies from the local mother and toddler group. And there is no shame in that; in fact this is something I tell everyone, without reservation. I suppose young mothers just want the best of both worlds – to hold on to what they’ve worked so hard for: their home, their children, their marriage… but also the friendships that they need so much in their lives.

It is not uncommon for young mothers to feel alienated between the time they get engaged and the time they start having children. I think some people feel they have to take their distances from married couples, to give them that ‘space’… And today I realise that this is what happened to most of my old friendships. I was surrounded by people who had no intention of joining the marriage clan as quickly as I did, and therefore started to build walls rather than bridges. These people failed to realise that if anything, I needed them, I needed the bridges to be build rather than the walls. But friendship is a two-way thing. The fact that I didn’t put as much effort into the friendship as I should have also says a lot about the amount of value I attached to it. That said, I have come to terms with my broken bonds, because for every friend I lost, God allowed me to make a new one, and today I have the best set of friends I could ever wish for. And all this happened in no time at all. My most recently formed friendships are actually the ones I value the most right now, because these are people who are heading towards the same direction as me in life, who more or less have the same aspirations as me in terms of careers, family, relationships etc. and so I feel I have more of a connection with them than with any of the people I met in my past.

Cliques, clans, closeness and claws…

One thing I have welcomed and embraced particularly well in recent times is the notion of group friendships. In fact not just in recent times – I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t part of a large group of people – whether it was at school or church. But never in my life have I allowed myself to get so emotionally attached and involved, that the dynamics of the group would affect my mood, my well-being or the way I am as a person.  It takes a certain level of maturity to maintain and nurture several friendships within a group of people who have different personalities and character traits, without hostility or conflict. Things can easily become contentious, people can get bitter and emotions can run high. But the difference between a stable, healthy, solid ‘group of friends’ and a weak, volatile and superficial clique lies in the way the people involved deal with the issues that may rise. Friends build each other up and help each other grow. If you have friends that help you move forward in life, attain your goals and help you grow not only as a person, but spiritually too, consider yourself blessed. When I realised I had such people around me, I kept them close to my heart and named them “The Elite”, My Elite, because I believe these were the people that God had specifically chosen to bless me with, at a time in my life when I needed it the most.

Friendship in all its forms…

In this journey, I figured that there were several types of friendships and this also helped me understand where I stood with each person in my life:

The yo-yo friendship - Someone who comes and goes, who checks in and checks out, sometimes unintentionally due to their busy schedules, other times because that’s how they want the friendship to be. And if you think about it carefully, you’re probably a yo-yo friend to them too. I tend not to get too worked up over my yo-yo friendships even though sometimes I wish they were more stable, because the fact is that most people do have busy lives. And quite frankly, given the choice, would I really want to see this particular friend everyday or every week? Probably not.

The seasonal friendship - Not quite the same as a yo-yo friend. A seasonal friend is someone who was your friend for a certain period of time, and who exited your life with or without warning. But you don’t resent them, as they fulfilled their purpose in that particular season of your life. Whatever separated you, you see it as fate and if they were to reappear in your life, you know things would never be the same as before but at least there would be no bitter feelings.

The forced friendship - Just like forced marriages, these are the friendships you never really wanted to get into, let alone nurture. Friendships like these are one-sided, although not necessarily fake, because you do care about the person, just not as much as they care about you. Nothing about the friendship feels natural (on your part anyway), it’s actually quite draining. If you’re on the receiving end i.e. the one being neglected, learn to observe the signs and let go. It is for the best, believe me.

The distant friendship - A friendship with someone who is not around you physically, but very close to you mentally and emotionally. Distance might be the reason why the friendship is ‘dormant’, but you know you can always count on them. The fact that you don’t speak everyday doesn’t change the strength of your bond, in fact the absence is what makes this friendship what it is.

The unlikely friendship - Also known as an accidental friendship, this is when you become friends with someone against all odds. You probably have very little in common, which is why you were attracted to them in the first place – Opposites attract, even in friendships. But the debates, the conversations you have with them are so interesting that you wouldn’t have it any other way. You may have one or two things in common, such as your faith or your values, and this may be why your friendship remains a strong one. Because you do actually agree on a few things… An ‘unlikely’ friend can also be the opposite sex. I have to say I surprised myself over the last year, when I started to get closer to two of my male acquaintances, who gradually became people I could call ‘friends’. I never thought I could be this transparent and open with the opposite sex but guys really do make great friends.

The true friendship - I won’t go into the clichés of what a true friend is; I think there have been enough texts about true friendship, what it really is, what it entails etc. I guess my definition of a true friend is “Someone who is your friend just because.” And that “just because” could represent absolutely anything. In fact, it could represent everything, or nothing at all. My true friends are my friends just because they take me as I am, with my faults and my qualities. As I watched my true friendships being formed, I learnt the difference between ‘maintaining and nurturing’. Maintaining means to simply keep, while nurturing means to nourish and make sure it grows. Once you know who your friends are, don’t let the friendships die. Nurture them.

My true friends know when I just need a listening ear, and nothing else – no reprimand or not even advice, just sympathy. But they also know when I do need a good telling-off, a [metaphorical] slap in the face or an injection of wisdom. They have no difficulty distinguishing if “I’m fine” really means “I’m fine” or if it means “I’m okay, but I could really do with a friend right now…” My true friends also know what it means to sacrifice and provide genuine tender love and care when needed.

True friendship is no respecter of persons, time or circumstances. It does not exclude any of the types of friendship listed above, in fact even the ‘forced’ friend can have the attributes of a true, loyal friend but it may just be a compatibility issue: You may not be right for each other, but that does not mean they haven’t demonstrated true friendship qualities towards you. It’s down to how you feel about them in your heart. I can’t say I have a best friend, but I have true friends; not many, but enough to make my heart smile. How do I recognise the true friends in my life? by their actions…

“By their fruit you shall know [or recognise] them.” ~ Matthew 7:16

Finally, my true friends, just like my husband, are for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. If you think I’m going too far with this, think of your worst days… Those days you could barely talk, because you weren’t sure who would listen to you anyway; those days you could barely walk, because you wouldn’t have known where to go, who to turn to… In those times, in those extremely tough times, emotional, physical financial, hardship, whatever pain afflicted you, you needed a friend. Who was there? Engrave their name in your heart and thank God for their lives.

I know whose names I will be engraving in my heart, forever.